Your desires are self-less, not selfish
I’ve recently been presented with several opportunities to do things the way others expect me to, OR to follow my innate desire to forge my own path. And let me tell you, sitting with not meeting the expectations of others has been VERY uncomfortable. Despite that, there was no question of which fork in the road I would choose to walk.
This strength in my resolve to favour my desires over someone else’s requirements is new-ish for me, several years ago we would not be having this conversation. The prospect of being disapproved of or judged by others would have been far too uncomfortable. I’ve been reflecting on what has changed to support this change and it boils down to a three key things:
An alternative way of understanding the world.
Before learning to meditate, my world view was largely informed by my unconscious conditioned belief systems, my family unit and education, with some flavours of defiance thrown in the mix. Once I begun practicing Vedic meditation, I not only gained a tool to support my poor, frazzled nervous system, I also gained a more evolutionary way of understanding the world we live in and my place in it.
The Veda teaches us that your spontaneous interests and desires are informative. They are clues as to how best to use your unique nature and life experiences to bring more unity and evolution to the collective, moment by moment. We are not the source of our desires, rather our desires flow through us in aid of uplifting the collective. The fulfilment of your desires is evolutionary for the whole, because you bring your fulfilment in contact with your loved ones, your family, your community.
This ancient knowledge flies in the face of the ways in which many of us are conditioned to “be a good girl/boy”, to “do what we’re told”, to achieve and succeed in a formulaic way - to exist in a way that is geared towards (conditional) acceptance rather than authenticity.
Think of someone in your life who lives from a place of alignment and authenticity. They honour how they feel and what they need, they communicate truthfully and they create time and space to do the things they love. Now, think of how it feels to be in their presence. I imagine might be a feeling of ease. In contrast, how does it feel to be in the presence of someone who feels stifled by their life? Who makes decisions based on what they believe is expected of them, always putting their own needs and desires last? If you’re like me, you know how it feels to be that person - doing things you don’t want to do and saying things you don’t want to say. Living from a place of scarcity and fear.
When we do this for long enough we become dissatisfied, frustrated, resentful, angry, sad and unwell. It creates dis-ease. We weren’t designed to live this way.
Our world needs more people to follow their innate desires and share their fulfilment, as opposed to their discontentment, with the world. There are no mistakes in nature, your desires are a unique expression of natures intelligence. They are there for a reason. We are not separate from nature, we are a part of nature. As we start to melt away stress (more on this in point two), this becomes easier to perceive. Nature is always conspiring in our favour, because our desires are born of nature’s intent. The purpose of life is to evolve, and the fulfilment of our desires brings greater evolution to the whole.
This knowledge might resonate and you might also wonder how? How do I get in touch with what feels innate to me, how do I distinguish my true desires from things like habits and patterns, such as a conditioned need for acceptance/praise/validation? That leads me to point two.
A body that is not stuck in fight-flight.
The state of our nervous system largely dictates the way we exist in the world. When we are in a fight-flight state, our existence is geared towards survival. Without knowing it, we continually scan our environment and those in it for signs of danger. We feel all the hallmark signs of stress - racing thoughts, jittery, over-stimulated, wired and tired, racing heart and shallow breath - and very little else. Stress leaves no space in the body to feel into the subtle language of our desires.
The first step towards becoming more familiar with and trusting of what we truly desire, moment to moment, is to gently peel back the layers of accumulated stress that make it challenging to feel into and trust our desires. Our desires are felt in the body. When we’re stressed and fatigued, those desires don’t disappear, but they become harder to detect. Vedic meditation is a powerful tool to support us in this endeavour. As we gently support the body in normalising stress at a cellular level, the felt sense of our desires becomes easier to detect and surrender to.
The support of trusted mentors.
Since day one I’ve been very consistent with my twice daily Vedic meditation practice. I dove into learning more about the ancient body of knowledge known as the Veda. The state of my nervous system drastically improved within the first few months - within the first year my stress levels (much lower) and happiness levels (much higher) were unrecognisably different. AND - in addition to all of that, I wouldn’t be where I am today, feeling the fear of following my desires and doing it anyway, if it weren’t for a few trusted mentors.
Taking steps towards existing in the world in an entirely different way is an incredibly daunting prospect for most of us. Some of my own challenges over the last five years have been learning to set boundaries with people, practicing being OK with disappointing people, and discovering which people in my life are conditional in their acceptance of me as I started to organise my life around what I truly did and didn’t desire.
Having a mentor(s) on this journey is worth its weight in gold. As the cliche goes, we’re not meant to do this life alone. Having the support of someone who has walked the path you’re on and is a step or two ahead of where you are, provides you with a beacon of light. Knowledge removes fear, in the same way that light removes darkness. In this current season of my life I have different mentors for different aspects of life and work, which is working beautifully for me. When I have a wobbly moment or doubt that moving towards something I desire is the right move or something I’m ready for, I have safe spaces to be seen in, held in and have the truth reflected back to me in. Every investment in mentoring shows up in my life tenfold - not simply through income but in abundance of all kinds. Self trust, self belief, self confidence, and a giant permission slip to just be me.